One of the hardest things to hear from my mom is can't I just live with you? As a caregiver it is so hard to want to care for someone but know you can't do it the way they want it. We do not have unlimited money so eventually her money will run out and she won't be able to live in an assisted living facility like the one she is in. I keep thinking about how I could make it work in my house. Every time I try and think about how it could work I come back to the same thing. It can't. For so many reasons and the most obvious one being that she needs all day care to do daily actives and make sure she stays safe and doesn't fall.
My house is not configured such that her wheelchair could move around easily. I have one room on the main floor that is not a bedroom and is located in a place that would make it difficult to be one. I would have to hire daily in home health care which would cost a lot of money just like the senior facility does now.
Accepting that while we want to take care of mom or dad at home sometimes it just isn't possible is an important step. I know that the best thing from a safety and care perspective is for my mom to be in a senior facility where everything she needs is available. While it may not be perfect and it never will be it is best at this time. I work full-time outside of my home and I couldn't be home to care for her. I also have children at home and my own life which is important to remember. We can't give up our own life to care for someone else. That is not selfish it is realistic. It does not change the pain in my heart every time she asks me.